Motivation: How To Know that Challenge Is Growth

Motivation..

Motivation: Providing with a reason to act in a certain way

Have you ever felt the need to do something because something inspired you? Or either woke up one day and thought, “I cant do this, but I have to?” Of course, we’ve all been there. Either doing our best to get out of a bad situation; Or seeing something that inspires us to unlock our FULL potential. A challenge.

If you feel like you’re in a dead-end situation; whether its relationships, jobs that you DISLIKE very much etc. I promise you, there’s light at the end of the tunnel; easier said than done. It’s very much a cliché. But I can also promise you, it’s not impossible.

Take it from me.

I’ve had numerous occasions where I felt like shit is taking too long; saying to myself, “Why is Life very difficult?” or “Why’s this happening to me?/How do I get out of this situation?”

thinking aboyt...

I’ve spent 6 years in the Army. Specifically, you might ask, “What’s worse than spending SIX years in the Army?Being in the Infantry. I can pretty much say that although I’ve never been Active Duty before, it’s still sacrificing my weekends to do some bullshit in the woods. Best believe, it’s hard to have motivation when we’re sitting around doing nothing. Or even worse, Training in bad weathers!

Motivation: Fort Polk; “The Devil’s Asshole”

I went to Fort Polk, Louisiana for the summer of 2016 for three weeks. For one thing, I never wanted to leave the Army so fast before that summer. Could you imagine? Training in conditions where its 105 degrees EVERYDAY?! Spending 12 out of 21 days in the field? It got so bad, that even some of the Most Physically and Mentally tough soldiers, passed out MULTIPLE times.

*me sweating profusely in the prone position*:

I Gots To Get the Fuck Out of Here. All I have is one more year. WHAT THE FUCK!

Just to make matters worse. I’ve seen a soldier dehydrated to the point where the medics had to stick a thermometer in his ass THREE TIMES! They more so had to cool him down with a cold wet blanket so his body can reach normal temperature.

You think it cant get worse than that? LMAO. Remember when I said “We’ve spent 12 days in the field?” Imagine. Walking around with so much gear on, in a training environment. Waiting for the enemy to attack. Meanwhile, It’s Blazing Hip Hop and R&B..HOT 97 (plus more) outside. Which means our enemy wasn’t JUST the people that was coming for us. We had to fight the WEATHER and TERRAIN.

Profusely sweating without having the chance to change my shirt, I’ve caught prickly heat on my back, neck and shoulders. Listen, I never wanted to go AWOL before that experience until then. It’s by far, worse than anything ive experienced. I’m thinking in my head:

how could anyone ever live in such a HOT ASS FUCKING STATE?!

Hard to think of motivation in the Devil’s Asshole.

It’s very difficult to maneuver with prickly heat on your back. The gold bond Body powder was of some assistance but it wasn’t doing much. The only Clear cure for this Bullshit is a shower. Which seem close yet so Far Away. Besides a shower, what my motivation was the end of my contract the following year.

Motivation: Challenge is Growth.

I’ve spent 3 weeks in Australia this summer. Compared to the “devil’s asshole, Louisiana” it was actually a vacation. Though it couldn’t feel like a vacation because I also thought of the death of my brother, Damien (in which ive written about him in The Surreal Moment post in the blog). I sat down one night and spoke to Staff Sergeant Melton about everything and I was curious about a lot of what we do. I asked him:

Sergeant, I understand the infantry is supposed to be the most physically and mentally demanding job in the military, but why do we have to sleep in the woods in almost EVERY drill.? And why the fuck we had to spend 12 days in the box ALMOST EVERY year for the last 3 years?

He laughed and told me that the “job isn’t for everyone.” He also said that It has been “pretty rough for the last few Annual trainings but it should die down next fiscal year. You’ve made it out other than the 50 people who went AWOL before showing up to Fort Polk. Challenge is Growth, man”

Since then, I lived by those words ever since. That was the best advice given to me, EVER. Which makes a LOT of sense.

Motivation:  The Conclusion.

Of course, I’ve stated earlier that it’s very difficult to motivate yourself in worst conditions possible. I’ve learned VERY LATE in my military career to understand that Challenge is Growth. I Live by those words everyday. I grew so much from circumstances that had no choice but to motivate myself. Some of you are in situations where you feel as if you cant overcome; let alone find it difficult to find that light at the end of the tunnel. If you’re ever in trouble that you feel as if you’re stressed out, ease your mind.

Try to Read books that are based on self-empowerment. If you’re a smoker, smoke weed (Personally I don’t smoke because I don’t like the smell but I’ll tolerate it). Soak Your feet in hot water (not too hot, though). Listen to something therapeutic. I love listening to jazz late at nights, because it brings such relief to my daily life. If you’re religious, say a prayer.

Life is hard.

Of course. If it was easy, how would we grow from the challenges that we face? I almost slipped into a log in a swamp at Fort Drum, NY. Lost in the dark in the woods to the point where my night vision goggles weren’t working. I got fired from Target on July 2nd 2015 over some stupid shit, which is the reason why I started this blog. Last year, I was at my old security job. I was let go from a site without warning. Went to the office and asked for a different site. My account manager told me the “only site available that I ca give you is in Long Island. for $9/hour.”

I AUTOMATICALLY refused. He gave me a refusal form, I filled it out. He then left and came back. Told me I signed a “resignation letter.” Basically saying that I resigned (which didn’t make sense but, aiight). You know what I told him?

“Suck A Dick..and fall down some wet stairs sideways”

Then I left.

With that being said, you are able to overcome any circumstance given to you in life. When you get home from a hard day at work; or waking up in the day dreading to go to work, just look in the mirror. Tell yourself, that “I Can get through this.” Or you can just watch Dj Khaled on snapchat. LOL At least that’s what I do when I’m in need of motivation.

Tell me your opinions. Leave a comment. Let me know what u think. Thank u

The Surreal Moment

Surreal Moment..

What’s interesting about life is people don’t have any control of theirs as much as they say they do. God has a plan for us to either STAY or LEAVE.  I’m always wondering why certain people outlive other people. My brother, Damien was killed in Trinidad by police officers. Which he didn’t even live a FULL life in my opinion. He died at 33. I found this news out from my dad the day before I left to go to Australia. So I left work early. I couldn’t be around people based on me being angry at what happened. It’s crazy how I had to sleep this off. I did my best to find out why did the police kill my oldest brother. So, I called mom and she was trying to find out what happened as well. She was already on the next flight to Trinidad. Very Surreal.

 

To be honest…

I couldn’t even enjoy Australia as much as I wanted to because I was thinking about Damien way too much. I wanted to be alone. Every night for about 8 days, I cried in my tent just thinking about my mom and my grandmother. Why? Because it was so SURREAL that I couldn’t believe that my oldest brother died. I didn’t even compose a single tweet on twitter for about 10 days maybe more. Everything was too much. What’s even more intriguing is being in Australia for 3 weeks would be considered as my LAST annual training for the Army. What made me cry even more is the fact that I listened to “Big Brother” by Kanye West over and over again. Yet it was still SURREAL because I lost my big brother. I reminisced about the seldom few times we’ve had in Trinidad.

One moment in particular….

Was a picture of me playing the Nintendo 64 when I was 10 (sorry if I told my age because of the video game lol) and he was focused on beating in Flying Dragon. Which I think never happened. But anyways, I wouldn’t see him often because he was always out on the weekends (when I visited my mother’s mom). So I can’t say I was close to him like that at all. My mom lost her OLDEST son, kind of hurts me because my mom is sad. Plus I know what he’s been through in life and the tribulations he went through in school. Which made me even cry more because I felt helpless when I first heard about him in ’98.

 

Emotions run deep..

I was also saddened of the fact that my dad and sister saw him more recently the last time we went to Trinidad in 2012, but I didn’t get a chance to because I overslept at my aunts house. And even then I was sad that I missed my opportunity of seeing both of my older brothers. Basically, I was very quiet for about 2 and a half weeks. Everything that I was thinking of (police related) made me more sad about Damien.

For instance…

I had a conversation with a cop who was a lieutenant in the army about what happened between the murders of Alton Sterling (in Baton Rouge) and Philando Castille (in Minnesota). He told me he was “EXCITED” that he [Sterling] was shot in the chest close range SIX times. He also said the cop who shot CASTILLE was in the right of way because the cop thought he was gonna pull the gun on him (when we clearly saw eventually that wasn’t of the sort). I was distraught by his responses because he felt like Sterling was reaching for the gun when he was detained in which he WASNT trying to reach for the gun and Castille was warned to not “reach for the gun” after he clearly stated he’s “licensed to carry.”

I couldn’t believe he said that..

thinking aboyt...

 

It was the MOST unnecessary conversation I’ve ever had with a human being; To the point where he compared Soldiers shooting people overseas because of them feeling threatened to unarmed people of color dying from law enforcement. Which is like comparing an apple to a block of cheese. NO CORRELATION.

Can’t Tell Me Nothing.

The lieutenant and I conversed (last year) made me even want to be MORE antisocial from anyone else in my unit in Australia. EVERYTHING regarding Damien; between the conversation I had and the memories I’ve wanted with him but didn’t get a chance to became Surreal Moment due to the fact the police in Trinidad killed my brother. Had that happened HERE..😐 nobody gonna tell me shit because I’m hating every single living being ever.

The “Police brutality” Mural

When I leave and arrive at my house, there’s a building with a mural in the middle of the block. The illustration has the names of the victims who died of police brutality (prior to 2006). Which again I come across that Surreal moment because I cross that building everyday. Now that my brother died by the hands and gun of the police (in a different area) I STILL cannot believe that he’s dead.

 

“I’m Here if you need me” LOL.

I’ve learned that people have shown me their true colors. It has shown me a lot of people said they’ll be “here for me.” Or “willing to keep an open ear” (while I was away) because of Damien’s death. I got back to the U.S not too long ago. I was asking for them. But, they were ghost. I’ll make it in life one day and it wouldn’t hurt me to say that “nobody gave me shit.” But no worries, I always wanted to become the villain because nobody respects you when you’re nice. They’ll hate me in other forms of nature. I plan on writing more blogs just to keep my mind off the travesty. 🤷🏾‍♂️

 

Conclusion…

Pray for that I have gone through a Surreal moment

It’s been a month since Damien died. I still can’t believe it because it’s so SURREAL that he’s actually dead. So now when someone asks me how many siblings do I have, I’ll feel weird saying three only because

The hand now has 4 fingers.

(Don’t let that go over your heads).😶

The Mask You Live In 🌚🤔

You know…?

It’s human nature to actually not show everyone.. the REAL you because of what society might think. Rightfully so, that’s fine. But at least it’s good to be YOURSELF. It’s free in this world to do as such.. but then again, some people actually feel to fill a void to hide their insecurities… so they need to be EXTRA to OVERCOMPENSATE the fact. Everybody got a mask these days..

mask part 2

 

For instance… I know you all somehow associate with a type of nigga who’s FLASHY with everythkng he has to offer from CLOTHES, MONEY and CARS (if he’s a driver) on the outside but on the inside doesn’t really match lmao

let’s start with him..

I see some of y’all like to show a facade,
Your comfy in ANOTHER skin which seems pretty odd;
You lie to yourself as an attempt to put up a front for the crowd,
It amazes me so much that I’m wondering how.
And some of y’all niggas STINK, but u mask it with cologne,
Buying designer clothes yet NOT having enough for your phone;
You tuck your shirt in your jeans to show off your belt… the Brand is HERMES,
One thing about tables is that they always turn.
But nobody can stop your show, until reality sets in,
Look at you tryna impress a bitch who wear $10 leggings (LMAO);
She crosses your path.. so you show your confidence,
But her body language says NOT INTERESTED as she make it obvious.
You shoot your shot! But She ignores.. so it’s a brick.

Him: “That’s why YOU FAT AND UGLY ANYWAYS, STUPID ASS BITCH

She stop and turns back as you see her approach you,
I guess you “can’t stand when a DIME acts antisocial” (tony yayo reference)🤣

You act all smooth as she isn’t impressed,
She gives you this gruesome look as if she’s smelling your breath;
To mask your rejection, you act as if you never seen her before,

Her: “You paid a lot of money for that belt, yet I assume at home .. you prolly sleep on the floor“🤣😭🤣😭

Niggas…Do you pay rent for The Mask You Live in?
The way she figuratively carries a bag to put your masculine in,
Do you buy you self esteem as if it was a utility?
The hurt you feel inside so she has no sympathy.
Expensive taste with beer money… yet you can’t afford to fill up a void within,
There’s broke conceited niggas in the world that I don’t even know where to begin;
Of the man in the mirror is what you’ll become to see,
the best thing in the world is that Being yourself is free.

Well..

I’m doing my best to figure out why when niggas feel rejected they feel the need to show that they’re not hurt so they insult the girl. Calling her names and not charging it to the game. There’s like 6 women to 1 man ratio in the world so someone bound to LOVE the artificial self esteem you’re equipped with. Niggas that tuck their shirts in the jeans to show off their belts feel the need to be entitled to everything!! That a simple … “hey I hope you’re having a wonderful day” even when she ignores saves you SO MUCH GRACE that the next time she sees you more often she might strike up a conversation with you in the next meet up. But instead… she embarrasses you in front your friends (and hers) so you feel twice as hurt.

It’s ok I know the feeling (no I don’t, lmao)🤣🤣

 

The thing about a mask is…

Niggas aren’t the ONLY ones who wears a mask to veil their true self. Women do it especially. Face Value is more of their true thing lmao. In fact, some women are just as superficial with their exterior beings that they reject anyone that’s below their worth of grade. If they’re a 10, they wouldn’t even shed a strand of hair as someone who isn’t at least an 11. Most women have a mask these days.

But the truth will somehow come to the light of these women, all it takes is a few seconds…

Lemme show Yall something..

You put pounds of makeup on to cover your acne,
Get dressed in provocative clothes, exactly;
100+ likes on Instagram,
Hoping no one knows the REAL you when shit hits the fan.
Fat ass and big tiddies without your personality to match,
Trying to get niggas to fund your PREMIUM SNAP .

You borrow panties from your cousin,
(Oh yes girl, I’m talking to you)

You Strip all week to go clubbin
(oh yes girl I’m talking to u— “No Pigeons reference)

Yet you’re the one niggas say “God damn” Though;
But You got your body done by Dr. Orlando (LMAO)🤣

So you’re at the club while niggas tryna get your attention,
I guess you’ll keep this facade until Reality set in 🌚
Yet you see some Flashy nigga poppin bottles with the fireworks,
You tryna have him taste some Henny up inside your shirt;
U fluff your bra so your tiddies seem bigger,
You bring your friends along to the VIP with ya.

Her: “You kinda cute, so you’d be lucky if my mean ass like you”🙄
Him: “I Guess that means you’re mean to EVERY nigga”
🤣😂

Y’all laugh and have conversations until the end and he taking u home,
Fast forward, u in the whip while u giving him dome;
He like the vibe and the timing is right,
He already know he having a good time tonight.
Y’all go to bed.. you wake up in the morning…everything is good.
According to plan just like you thought it would
He wake up and see you without your second face because it’s in the pillow,
U looked like Pocahontas in the club but now you’re Granny Willow.
He looking close at you and your body as it seems unfamiliar,
Because u don’t seem as GREAT as your Instagram pictures.
Surprised she felt, So she feeling embarrassed…
Went from the MVP to being less than average.

Her: “I know I don’t like look like last night but we should do this again.”
Him: “Bitch, I came home with a 10 at 2 to a 2 at 10!”

“All Lives Matter….. do they Really?? “🤔

Officially; July has begun,

What a week this has become;
Independence Day with cookouts all games and fun,
I guess on the days after, it was all said and done.
And Within the last couple of days, my people have been dying,
When does it end, my beautiful queens are crying;
They lost their sons, brothers, fathers and uncles,
Got killed in the streets but they weren’t looking for trouble.
Phil was killed in his car seat by the cops over a wallet,
Their whole shoot 1st, ask questions later is retarded;
Thankfully his girl had the whole experience recorded,
Yet of course the blues won’t accept their responsibilities for their actions for it.
Alton was detained and took 6 close range to his chest,
Now wtf his family supposed to do next?
He was selling CDs, being a law abiding citizen,
Decided to arrest to him and inevitably finished him.

For those who aren’t black, I want you to wonder,

About the lives that was taken away to six feet under;
Imagine being black in the street with cops always harassing,
It’s like going to court with no trial.
Your people do illegal shit without questions asked,
To this day I’m still wondering how,
You say “ALL LIVES MATTER” ….. Do they really?
If I gave u my complexion for a day, would u feel me?
Can you handle the pressure from the pain of my color?
I’m Being treated unfairly, through the veins of my brother

Amadou, Sean, Mike  lost their lives and got shot.. Evidently,

Knowing since elementary, the blues want us all gone eventually.
In Particular, I want us all to live happily ever after honestly,
But obviously, black people worldwide are mourning constantly;
They take away our fathers, make fun of us for being fatherless,
Do the right thing and our lives are taken over some retarded shit.
A blind person says there’s no such thing as privilege,
you still couldn’t convince me any different;
My people shed blood, sweat and tears.. So what are you asking?
We wear our hearts on our sleeves like its the new fashion…

 

If you wanna read more of my work go to trutothegame917.com

 

“A Mile and a half” 🚶🏽   🎓

A Mile And a Half..

Let me tell you about how much I’ve been reminiscing,
About This smart guy named Larry who never paid attention;
He enrolled in a high school for business
all the advice he’ve been getting from others,
Came a long way from a mile and a half but, he never listened.
an intelligent person but he had bad grades,
Later learned that he regret it on his last day.

From thinking…

About this one girl in particular,
It’s like she mentally abused him, so ridiculous.
Going through the motions, with that and Senioritis,
What good is a counselor without them giving some guidance?
Discouraged from Seeing people departing school to Coney Island.
Thinking about a lot, as if it could’ve been him,
Sitting in class thinking about what could’ve been,
He started focusing more as time was progressing,
The talks of him being a super senior was expected.

Got serious..

Had his thinking cap on as he buckled his clutch genes,
Didn’t think of negativity as much as it seems;
Passed all his tests then he was focused on prom,
Prior to that he went on take some pictures with mom.
Went out and came home about 4 in the morning,
1st time he relaxed all year.. That’s all her ever wanted;
Went to school the next day smiling,
That he ain’t even have to do no more projects.
His guidance counselor called him to office for a very brief meeting,
Very optimistic, for a reason.
But she said “you’re not going to graduate for that you’re short by a couple credits,”

WOW!

He didn’t know this would happen, but he couldn’t forget it;
She said “though you’re still invited”
He walked out the office insulted, as he lost all excitement.
He felt all his hard work was tainted,
Went to pick up his report card, the day of graduation.
He looked at his friends in cap and gowns,
Happy for them, unlike him because he left with a frown;
Synonymous to Kobe when he lost in game 6
In the NBA finals,
He felt he went through the same shit, as then he figured his life.

Instead of taking the bus home,

He walked about A Mile And A Half,
Thoughts of ineligible to graduate was difficult to grasp;
Though it’s much more to life to put this beside him,
It might be difficult to put it behind him.

“25”

It’s one thing to have your life figured out when you’re a child.

It’s another to actually go through life and still feel incomplete. As much as I want to say I’ve accomplished a lot in my life, I haven’t really done anything as notable where I can say at 25,

“I am complete with myself.”

My Best Friend…

Akira is newly 25 and she is having a midlife crisis. To us “25 is the new 30.All of the bills that she has to go through is getting to her along with taking care of a child being a single mom. So even if she has a decent job making decent pay, she’s still can’t enjoy herself. Reality is setting in with life. But the one of many things I love about her is that despite every obstacle she faces, she’s always strong enough to be mentally prepared.

I respect that about her..

Even knowing her for less than a year. It’s as if we’re both doing our best to survive in a very expensive city. I turned 25 months ago and I’m still scared of what’s going to happen (if it hasn’t happened already) if I don’t get into my career field as soon as possible. With what she’s going through now, is the reason why I HAVE to pass every Fire Safety Director course since i paid 180 for the 20 hour school. She says “that’s a BIG risk of a process for me to go through.” And I replied,

“That may be so, but I wanted this challenge and i can accept that.”

Only because it’s a wonderful career choice and it’s not as physically demanding. The trade off is that I have to know about my job along with me knowing about safety precautions of the building that they send me in. So I figured, if I haven’t found something to motivate me since the 10th grade… Knowing the struggles that Akira and I are facing now, would be it.

In comparison.…

Me studying to be a Fire Safety Director would be synonymous as an inner city kid doing his best to get himself out the hood by applying himself to athletics, meaning; becoming an FSD to me is my ticket out of the minimum wage rat race. To LIVE in this beautiful city of New York, I would need to make at least a minimum of $16 or 17 dollars/hour since that would be equivalent to $67k a year, hence the starting pay of an FSD with no experience. I can see myself doing this for a long time.

At 25..

My best friend and I are worried because time isn’t on our sides. We can’t be playing around like these younger cats who are 23 and younger. I find it comedy that a person that’s younger than me says “they’re getting OLDER” as if they’re in a midlife crisis. They really don’t understand how we feel even if it’s factual that they’re getting older. The margin of error is as narrow for people that’s 25 and older than it is for the youth. For sure I got myself out of retail. So, I’m a step above what I’ve been doing last year. I can be happier in a better place, hence Becoming an FSD. I’m out of the Army in less than a couple of years basically by the time I’m 27. I must say that it’s not the end of the world if I haven’t figured out by now what I want to do with my life.

But I DO know that…

I won’t be extending my time of service. The game is becoming fucked up with a lot of changes such as new leadership along with a new generation of people and that I don’t have time for. At least I can say for sure, that I’ve enjoyed my time in the military with a great group of people and have learned a lot in my time. I matured a lot like I haven’t before.

As each day passes,

Dad’s reasoning in his debates with me makes a lot more sense since I’m figuratively reaching 30 tomorrow. He sees I’m out of the rat race, slightly. I would just have to seal the deal by passing every course by next month. I know life is what I’d make it to be. I’m just doing my best to enjoy my 20s as much as I can. In life, two of the many things become difficult as people get older which are;

  1. Dating
  2. Employment.

 

  • Dating:

At 25, you kind of watch everything such as younger women (who are of age of consent) since they’re about 2 steps mentally above amongst the guys their age. More than likely, they might become a headache. She might be wanting to enjoy her youth, while I just want to lounge in my house playing 2k. Even finding women my age is just difficult. They might be 2 steps above mentally amongst guys their ages. Already in relationships, have kids, or mentally unstable just as much as the women younger. It varies. There women aren’t on the same level as me mentally, so it can be conflicting just as much as I’m not on the same level mentally with a woman older than me.

  • Employment:

As you become older with practically no skill, little to no college education or experience, it’s difficult to even think of wanting a very great job noticing that people’s skills decline due to age at a certain age after a certain point in their lives. Top of which, the competition is just as stupid as the market.

To conclude..

Anyone born after 12/31/91, would never know what it’s like to hit the “Quarter of A dollar.” Also, they wont know what it’s like to have the idea of feeling OLD; especially knowing that I graduated middle school 11 years ago also graduating high school 7 years ago. Basically both almost touching a decade, respectively. People don’t know what it’s like to live something until it’s experienced in its own detail. So just because a 23 year old (or younger person) says “they’ve been doing (whatever verb they’re doing for however long they’ve been doing) for a long time, doesn’t mean they know what it’s like to have that “25″ feel.

You can go through a lot at 18….

and still wouldn’t know how we as “Quartersfeel mainly because of the margin of error in age. Obviously saying when you’re younger than 24 or 25, you can afford to make mistakes. To be honest, the only people that know how we feel as 25 year olds are people OLDER. Since they feel just as worse or greater (depending on what they’re doing with their lives).

I told my best friend that if I make it in life..

She does as well. For that I can and will be the hope she’ll be proud of. In which she is one of the many motivating factors to keep me going in life. I love my best friend and I’ll do anything for her. I can’t say this enough and she’s knows.

“A Quarter of a Dollar: Life and times”

Quarter of A Dollar..

To everyone, nobody saves pennies since they’re worthless (so here’s a quarter),
To Me, each one of them serves a different purpose;
Each penny added up.. equivalent to a purchase,
For each person approaching me, thank me for my service.
For One, the first time I’ve ever shot a weapon,
My mind was racing so many thoughts came to me in a second;
Niggas with disrespectful comments, always putting TWO cents in,
THREE  rounds to the head, just to never finish their sentences.
FOURTH and FIFTH, never really finished elementary,
If you asked me how, I Would tell you and you wouldnt get me;
SIX, the letters of my first name and how it’s spelt,
Declan, all about the life and times and how he felt.
I can’t believe it’s been SEVEN years since high school finished,
Life’s crazy because I never got to know whoever was in it;
EIGHT, is the birth month that is August,
So when it’s sunny, it always make the days looking gorgeous.

Word..

I can’t wait to go to drill and shoot rounds off at targets,
Still cant believe i got let go.. from Target (damn);
Couldn’t stand work, niggas there are also retarded,
Inevitable, I would’ve been let go regardless.
Over some dumb shit, but let me get back to the subject,
I might say the wrong shit and shoot back at these puppets;
I lived a good life so far NINE Times out of TEN,
A couple of interesting situation I’ve gotten in.

ELEVEN, thinking of my grandmother in heaven,
Along with my cousin.. I collectively love them;
TWELVE, the age I’ve done exceptionally well,
Though i was never popular, my grades never fell.
THIRTEEN is the body count and maybe a relationship,
It wasnt bad or good.. just average.. so I aint saying shit;
In which at a different time in my life, i experienced a broken heart,
So i kinda figured that means, life’s supposed to start.

Which leads me to FOURTEEN,

the 1st and last year that I’ve ever thought of poetry;
I always cherish my friendships,
But shoutout to the FIFTEEN fuck ass niggas I’m no longer friends with.
16 and 17, the day and age I lost my virginity,
Imagine how i would’ve handled shit differently;
EIGHTEEN, as it may seem for the people that hate me,
Gotta love those that appreciate me.
NINETEEN is the amount of… idk,
TWENTY is for the day I was birth, thats my birthday;
If im never to get any presents, I’m thankful for life in the 1st place.
TWENTY-ONE, the good days I’ve had in my senior year,
But the past is the past, so I might as well just leave it there;
22 and 23,
Both years I’ve learned a lot in my military job so it was fun to me.

Now I’m 24 going through a mid life crisis,

Thinking positive and trying to live life like it (Life’s ok);
So i put on my thinking cap,
Thinking of how my ex broke up with a colleague.. what type of shit is that?
Before I thinking that I’m sulking into struggle,
I thank God that I never got myself into trouble;
I love to dress casual, check the corners lf the collar,
In just a few hours I’ll reach a QUARTER of a DOLLAR.

rather not be a gangsta anyway,
Being 25 and alive beats 25 to Life anyday..

Cuz aint no such things as halfway crooks lol.

👸🏾 My Melanin Monroe: my appreciation to Women of Color 🏃🏾

My Melanin Monroe..

Your skin is so beautiful,
Let me explore your mind as the feeling is mutual;
Or you can let me taste your skin; is it caramel or chocolate?
Anything u want in this world from me, you got it.👍🏾
To some of these niggas… You may not be THE option,
But don’t worry, those the niggas you need to be dodging;
My Melanin Monroe, you keep getting stressed out by society,
I just want to give you paradise in different varieties.
Gorgeous brown self; so I should call u “Melanie,”
Most beautiful woman in this world I’ve ever seen;
Full lips, brown eyes and your hair is natural,
You created a lot of things in this world which is very factual.
I’m in love with the cocoa, not the white.. But the brown one,
if you’re with me, living stress free is the outcome;
When you cross my path, you leave behind rose petals,
and when I look into your eyes, they shine like gold medals.

My Melanin Monroe..

Your soul is very wealthy,
Let me find out that you be tastin like some Nestle;
Very slick with the tongue.. Which is very refreshing,
Must be heaven sent because I can see that God has blessed me.🙏🏾
You know how the saying goes, “..the sweeter the juice,”
I’m just trying to see how deep are your roots; 😂
Just playing, you know I’m not trying to rush you…
This world isn’t so promising but I just want to love you ❤️

melanin monroe

“I wanna take you where it feel like June in December, boo.
So what you think about Cancun ’til the winter through”

-Fabolous

Some can’t handle the attitude like one of many periods,
But fuck them other niggas because I can take you serious;
And even you’re trippin’, we’ll trip and I’ll pay for ya,
Go to Trinidad, sit in a beach and wait for ya. 🇹🇹
Face of a goddess, skin tone ebony,
The way u cook your food, you can tell I love your recipe;
You have this innocent look about you, yet u can be my remedy.
Every girl is mad so u know I sense some jealousy.
Not a fan of jewelry but I’ll buy you that necklace,
You got a smart mouth, cuz you be talkin reckless;
Although u be on some next shit,
I’ll make love to you… Even for breakfast 😉

My Melanin Monroe..

The type of woman I can be with plus the fact you’re strong mentally,
The grace of your smell from the way you move the scent of me;
I love your personality and I’m feeling your vibe,
Most of all I can see the sunrise when I look in your eyes.
You’re strong like our fists up in the air, cause we’re solid✊🏾
The best in the world, your beauty is as good as your logic;
Pretty as a gemstone, resemblance of an onyx,
Very rich in skin tone yet I’m tryna make a deposit.
Don’t let nobody tell you that “you’re pretty for a black girl,”
Because in my eyes (of course) you’ll always be “that girl;”
Like that girl is all that and a bag of chips,
Being around your presence is like a magic wish..

 

Leaving the Game

leaving the game already

Leaving The Game..

All my life, I’ve always wanted to be able to, Leaving the game without having worries through;

The good and bad times, always living in my past,
And the people who’ve forgotten me.. Ima put them on my tab.
In 2008 I was 3 credits short of being in that auditorium,
Walking across that stage, I could’ve went to Florida;
Instead I took a long walk home with no one to blame,
For me not following the right way of
So I acknowledge it, all this sad shit.. Gotta come out of it,
For the reason I’ve spent my whole life behind cowardice;
I Attended college, then I dropped out of it,
Pursued the army, knowing a good future would follow it.
Spent 3 months in basic training, thinking about a bachelors,
They said I wouldn’t survive and started laughing;
Got my 29 shots, marksmanship badge allotted it,
Which taught me that bullshit in life.. Not allowing it.
I Had to run as if I’m black and avoiding being arrested;
Nobody’s perfect.. life teaches its lessons,
Everyday I spend being alive.. There’s a reason for blessings.
So I always knew an eagle can fly 5 miles, I believe it,
For whatever happens and I am the reason;
As all the times I kept my heat out of the rain….
 Graduating basic training is one way of Leaving the Game.